SAFETY PLAN
A Guide to Safety For Victims of Domestic Violence
How do I Know if I'm Being Abused?
Does your spouse or partner:
Control where you go and what you do? Constantly criticize you and you abilities as a spouse, partner, parent or employee? Behave in an overly protective manner? Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends or him/herself? Suddenly get angry or lose his/her temper? Destroy your personal property? Punch, slap, kick, shove, or bite you? Prevent you from working or attending school? Deny you access to family assets such as bank accounts, credit cards, or car? Give you an "allowance" and insist that you account for what you spend? Force you to have sex against your will? Insult you or call you names? Use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children? Humiliate you or your kids in front of others? Turn minor incidents into major arguments? Blames his/her behavior on you, his/her temper, stress, drugs/alcohol?
Have any of these incidents happened more than once in your relationship? Over time, have they increased in number or severity? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may be a victim of domestic violence.
Create your Own Safety Plan
If you are a victim of domestic violence, it may be helpful to develop a personal safety plan to enable you to leave your abusive situation. The following are suggestions you may
want to include in your plan:
Decide ahead of time where you will go and how you will get there the next time he/she becomes violent. Plan an escape route out of your home and teach it to your children. Leave $20+, all important documents, an extra set of car keys and extra clothing hidden outside your house or at a neighbor's. Tell someone you trust about the violence. Develop friendships with neighbors. Ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from your house. Develop a code word with your children, neighbors and friends that lets them know you need to get out immediately. Let your children's teachers and school principals know enough about your situation so that they can respond supportively in a crisis. During an abusive episode, try to avoid being cornered in a place where there are weapons or sharp or heavy objects. Do not try to fight back if he/she seems to be "building up", especially if he's drunk or using drugs. Instead, get out of the house. If you cannot leave safely, keep your back towards an open space, not a corner.
Go to rooms with doors/windows for escape. If you leave, take your children. If violence erupts, try to stay near a phone. Call 911 to report any incident of violence.
Preparing To Leave
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Set Up Your Own P.O. Box. Open your own post office box and reroute all important documents (paychecks, food stamps, etc.)
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Set Up Your Own Account. Open a savings account in your own name to establish or increase your independence.
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Be Ready To Call. Keep the shelter phone number with you at all times. Also, keep spare change or a calling card with you for any other phone calls you may need to make.
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Memorize Your Plan. Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer.
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Checklist. Things you should take with you when you leave:
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Identification - medical records
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driver's license - birth certificate
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money - leases, deeds
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bank books - checkbooks
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insurance papers - house / car keys
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medications - address book
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social security cards - welfare ID
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school records - work permits
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green card - passport
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divorce papers - jewelry
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children's small toys - saleable objects
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pictures (of abuser & any injuries sustained)
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other:
Safety At Work
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Get Help. Inform someone at work about your situation. This should include office or building security (provide a picture of your batterer, if possible).
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Screen Calls. Arrange to have someone screen ALL telephone calls.
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When You Leave Work. Have someone escort you to your car, bus, or train. Use a variety of routes to get home. If you feel you are being followed, drive directly to the nearest police station.
Protective Orders
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File for a Protective Order at your local Juvenile and Domestic Relations or Family Court.
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Keep the order with you at all times.
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Call the police if your batterer violates the protection order.
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Inform family, friends and neighbors that you have a protective order in place.
